I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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