three words: i give head
three words: not that well
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
