I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he thought i was a dude.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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