70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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