Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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