Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
