8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
