Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I didn't shave. On purpose
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
