Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
