Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
