I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
