She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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