Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
