a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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