Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
