Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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