i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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