friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
