I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
