I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
