I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wear drunk well.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
