You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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