How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
