So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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