I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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