Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
