Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
