I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
