im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house