she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air