Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i've created a new STD.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
