id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I love you. Go after that dick
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
