Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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