i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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