I just pynch a tree in the face
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I cut my penus on the lid.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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