The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
