just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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