found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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