i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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