I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
