My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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