Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
