And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
