He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
