I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
