I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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