I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
