Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
