Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am one with the molecules
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
