Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
