you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
