I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
