I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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