Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
