i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
