I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
