I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
