i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night