turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!