Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.