We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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