i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
