Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
