He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
