Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
