Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
