Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize