i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
