it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
