What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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