You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
