20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
