Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
