I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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