I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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