Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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