I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
