I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
