shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
