When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
