Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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