I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
