now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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