The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just gargled with NyQuil
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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