Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
