I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
