That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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