Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
